Possible
by korikori
Summary: After WWII, everyone is pretty down. Some take the falls harder than others... Japan-centric, Asia Family. Warning, switches between "Country Names" and "Human Names".
1. Flashback

_It's not possible_. He murmured, whispering it to the night, the silence, the stillness, to whatever was around to hear. _It's not possible at all._

How many others before me have thought this? How many have questioned this? How many have wondered about our existence, the possibility, what and why we're here? He wants to cry, and he almost gives in to the childish impulse, but stops himself at the last second. _No_. He whispers. _I won't cry. He would be disappointed in me._ Such an act was not befitting of a nation of his status

But then again, the things he had done… Weren't those also not befitting of a nation of his status? He wanted to scream now. In pain. Scream, cry, beg for forgiveness, anything. He didn't want to be to a country right now. Didn't deserve to be one.

_It's not possible. Our existence isn't possible.

* * *

_

He remembered hearing about it one time. England had been talking to France, one sunny July. He remembered what he had said, and he had just thought nothing of it. Now, now, he was reconsidering the importance of what the nation had said.

"Ha, I guess it just goes to show that we really are nations over people. If we were more human, I could have persuaded Alfred to stay with me." England laughed, almost bitterly.

"Ma cherie, surely you aren't still depressed about that?" France grinned lecherously at the shorter blond. "Come, I shall make you forget all about tha-" He was slapped across the face.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU WINE BASTARD!" England stormed off on a rampage, probably headed for the nearest bar. France sighed.

"I keep telling him he needs to let go… We are far too human, would you not agree?" He smiled at the formerly unnoticed observer on the other side of the short hallway.

* * *

At that time, he might have agreed, had he not been struck mute and motionless but the awkwardness of what he was witnessing, and the shame of his eavesdropping. Now, such a thing was not possible. _We are not human. We are less than human._ The tears he had worked so hard to prevent flowed freely. In a slightly quavering voice, he whispered, "Or perhaps it is just I who am not human…"

Slowly, he rose, attempting to regain some of his calm. He was a nation. A country. A living personification of a group of people living in the same area that called themselves an independent land, one that was bound together by tradition, ties of blood, history, everything.

He was not human. But he was in pain over what he had done. Didn't that make him human, if nothing else did?

* * *

"OW OW OW OW OW!!" This was another one of his memories. He had been half-watching while Yong Soo was playing, although he did not yet personally know the boy, and half-trying to find his home. Yong Soo had tripped, and was now running back home crying. Silently, he followed, not knowing where else to go.

"ANIKIIIII! I tripped…" Yao was startled awake from where he was napping.

"Hm? Oh, he-you're bleeding, aru!" The personification of China jumped to his feet. "Stay right here, got it?" He sprinted into the house. "I'll be back in a minute, aru!"

Yong Soo had sat on the ground, bawling, not noticing that the pain was vanishing.. Yao arrived, panting, and carrying a satchel of bandages and Chinese herbal remedies. "Korea!" The younger male looked up, tears still streaking down his face. "Does it still hurt?"

At this, Yong Soo blinked. He'd been so miserable that he hadn't even stopped to consider the situation. "Oh…no, not anymore, da ze!"

Yao laughed. "Good, that means it's not caused by turmoil in your country." He moved the boy's hand away from the deep cut to show him that it was healing, at a somewhat noticeable rate. "You see, we can get injuries like normal humans too. But, when they aren't caused by other countries, or fighting or wars or things like that, then they heal quickly."

"What happens when we get them from the other ways?"

"Well, that's when we heal at either a slower rate than humans, or the same. It kind of depends. You keep some scars forever though…" Yao pulled his sleeve up, showing a fine line. "I got hurt here, during a fight with some invaders a really, really long time ago. This one's almost gone." He grinned, eyes filled with the memories of long-ago victories.

Yong Soo looked up with wide eyes. "Does that mean we're not human?"

At once, Yao's happy expression changed to an unreadable one. "Of course we're not, aru. We're countries." He faked a smile, then ruffled Yong Soo's hair. "C'mon, it's time for dinner, let's head in before it gets too dark, aru."

* * *

That's right, most of his own scars were caused by such turmoil as China had mentioned, and he had caused many, many of those scars himself. _Why could I not have been born normal!?_ By now he's practically screaming in his thoughts as he hugs his chest tighter, hoping the flow of blood will soon stop.

He had collapsed again, from the fresh pain, the latest soon-to-be scars. These hurt. Hurt far worse than what he was used to. Nations…Countries, they were strong, they were inhuman, could take more pain.

But, if he were human, he might imagine that this must be what it feels like to be shot.

The pain overloaded his brain. Instead of blacking out, he remembered something that he'd rather not.

* * *

"Ah, Nihon! What are you doing at this late time of night, aru?" There stood a person, no, a country in front of him. Not just any person. His self-proclaimed older brother, his older brother Yao.

"Forgive me." China ignored his whisper. No, not ignored, hadn't heard.

"I have just made Zongzi, aru. Come in!" Happy. His brother was happy to see him here. And yet…

He was here to hurt his older brother again. _Why?_ Japan whispered to himself in his mind. _Why did you become so weak? Why have I changed so much? Why did they want me to hurt you?_ Korea. Korea was the answer. He had wanted Korea, and China wouldn't give him up. Korea had fought bitterly as well, not wanting to be owned by Japan, wanting to stay with his "Aniki".

In the end, Japan had won. Japan tried to explain to his family; Korea, Taiwan, and for the few short days he had had him, Hong Kong, that he needed them there. That Korea had been a "dagger" pointed at the heart of Japan, and that he wanted to strike back against the British, and wasn't it great that Hong Kong was finally _home_?

And he kept making up excuses why it was okay. He convinced himself that his people were right. That it was okay for him to be hurting his family, because in the end he would win, and he would be right, and his family would all be okay, that he and China could be friends, brothers, again, and that everyone would be happy with him in charge, that everyone would be happy to be all together again, under his care.

And now he was here, in his memories, to hurt someone who had raised him, who had brought him his words, and his culture.

He raised the sword.

* * *

"NIHON!" Japan snapped into reality, pain spiking.

"Nngh…" He couldn't recognize the voice. That was odd, that he couldn't recognize this person by their footsteps or their voice. Oh, wait, a voice, voices mean visitors. _Get up, Kiku, you have to be presentable, a good host must be prepared at any and every time._ He tried to raise himself off the ground, but nothing would obey his commands.

"Oh shit…" Someone murmured from above him. "Oh, god, Japan, I'm sorry, I didn't think it would be this bad, goddammit, I told them no, I told them one was enough…" Ah. It was America. At least, he thought it was. "Shit, is he dead?"

"Nn…America-san?" Good, acknowledge the guest, be polite.

"Oh thank god!" He half-felt, half-saw a shape sink to its knees nearby him. "Thank god…" He felt something tugging him away, and struggled to fight the unconsciousness he had previously longed for. Fought, and lost. The dark tide swept him away, as America shouted orders at unseen nations.


	2. Godspeed

Japan heard sounds, voices, weaving in and out of the dark fog he was in. _"Critical condition…Lucky to have survived."_ He struggled towards the words sometimes, and pulled away at others. _"…catatonic? For how long, aru?"_ There were some people he wasn't ready to face yet. _"…in hell are we here, da-ze!?"_ And others that he wanted to tell something to. _"Shut up, he's your brother."_

Oftentimes, someone would stop and talk to him. _"Japan, I'm really sorry, I know you can't hear me, but, oh, god, I'm so sorry… Everyone's been visiting you, and we're working with your government, so please, come back when you can…I'm sorry…"_

It was a mark of his "family life" that he would finally come back to the smells of home cooking and the sounds of arguing.

"-and I'm sorry, sir, but I just can't allow you to bring that kind of food into this hospital!" A nurse.

"What do you mean, aru!? This food is for SICK people! My little brother is unwell!" Yao. Oh hell, what was China doing here?

"That food is too salty!" The nurse again. Seems like they've been arguing for a while.

"Kiku loves salt! And this is an ancient Chinese remedy, aru! I should know, I created it!" That is true, he did like salt. The pair finally came into view, Yao waving his free hand wildly, all the way managing to hold on to some sort of lunch box. "I am a country, aru! Zhong Guo!"

"Fine, have it your way!" The nurse stormed off muttering something about stupid stuck up countries that really seemed delusional half the time and oh why couldn't they just shut the hell up sometimes.

"And I thought nurses were supposed to be nice, aru…" China pouted. And realized that Japan was awake. "KIKU!" For a second Japan wondered if a hug could be considered fratricide.

"Gege, Kiku-nii can't breathe." Hong Kong had decided to come too? Great. Just great. China released his little brother and immediately began fussing over him.

"Kiku, you look so pale, it's good that you're finally up, you need proper food, aru!" He sniffed self-righteously. _That seems like something England-san would do…They were allies though._ "I made you Shiquen dabu tang. Much better than the hospital food, aru!"

"…." China shook his head. Japan had always been quiet, but this was a little overboard. He placed a bowl that seemed to have been conjured from nowhere on a tray that Hong Kong had supplied.

"Do you want me to feed you, aru?" China looked concerned.

Japan shook his head. He tilted his arm to pick up some food with his chopsticks. _Hashi. Almost like bridge._

* * *

"Ah, Kiku! What happened?" Yao was looking at him, concerned. Another memory.

"Yao-nii… It hurts…" He was crying, which he would be ashamed of later. Yao wasted no time in picking up the boy and carrying him to Kiku's room.

"Just stay here, okay?" Kiku's tears began to slow as Yao tucked him in. "I'll be right back, I promise." He came back in five minutes and thirty-two seconds. Kiku had counted, to distract himself from the pains.

"Kiku, here!" Yao was offering him some sort of soup. "It'll help you get better faster, so eat up, aru!"

Kiku stared at the bowl of soup. "Aiyah, does it hurt that much, aru? Do you want me to feed you?"

"No thank you, nii-sama." He had eaten the whole bowl, under Yao's careful supervision. Amazingly enough, it had helped, although not much. When he mentioned this to Yao later, the elder country laughed.

"Of course!" He said. "It's an ancient remedy, aru! I invented it myself!"

* * *

In the present, Kiku had unconsciously finished the bowl of soup. "Good job, Kiku!" China laughed. "We'll get you back to good as new in no time, aru!" Japan noted that China still mixed up some sayings. Korea had shown up, and was now pouting in the corner, casting dark glares his way every so often.

Salt water splashed on the inside of the empty bowl. "Kiku? Are you okay?" China took a tentative step closer.

"Isn't it obvious, Aniki? Jerk-Kiku is _crying_." Korea. Yong Soo obviously would hold that grudge for a long time. Right now, though, Kiku couldn't stop the flow of tears. _Shameful, shameful, shameful!_

"Why?" He looked up at China, the other country still confused. "Why are you being so nice to me! You should…you should hate me!"

"Kiku, don't say that." Hong Kong…Maybe his little brother did care.

"No! He should! After everything you've done to us, you bastard!" Korea. Of course.

"Shut up." China was defending him?

"But Aniki!" Korea protested.

Yao snarled, "I told you to be quiet!" China turned, and began walking towards the door. "Yes, Kiku, you may have done horrible things." He opened the door, and paused within its frame. "But…you are still family."

The door clicked shut, with some sort of finality, as Hong Kong and Korea followed the eldest member of their broken family out. Japan was left holding a bowl and wondering where he had gone wrong, as Kiku watched the splashes his tears made in a forgotten gift from home.

* * *

Short chapter is short… I apologize! Er… I switched between the names a lot because I wanted to make a sort of point. I don't have much practice with it yet, so it's a bit confusing, my sincerest apologies. Also, does anyone have a guess on the identity of the person who said "Shut up, he's your brother." in the first paragraph?

Shiquen dabu tang is a Chinese soup. Its name means "wholesome great restorative soup". (Thank you, Wikipedia) Also, I'm going to try edit the line breaks in chapter one... If possible.

Thank you for reading, and I still don't own Hetalia.


	3. Cohesion

Right so, the "Shut up, he's your brother." came from Taiwan. You'll see why she's not there when Japan wakes up in a bit… And Japan's having flashbacks because of trauma. That's my story (literally), and I'm sticking to it.

I don't own Hetalia. Mostly because Belarus stole the letter to Santa from the mailman to use as a gift for Russia. Note to self: Don't use sunflower stamps.

* * *

Days passed, and slowly, Japan healed. Taiwan came to visit, explaining that China had asked her to avoid visiting with Korea, seeing as the nurses usually kicked them out for arguing. Vietnam and Thailand made appearances as well, catching up on news.

And then there was America. He showed up every other day, more often if he could "swing it". It wasn't that he didn't like the visitors. It was just that he had to keep pretending that he actually belonged. Every scar that he saw on his family and friends reminded him that even if they were not human, he was something far less.

_Relax, Kiku_, he would think, _I know you are panicked, but you must remain calm. You do not want to worry anyone. It does not matter whether we are "human" or not. Calm down._

***

The days turned into weeks, and he was finally well enough to return home. Japan packed his bag, looking through everything that had been given to him during his stay. Last of all, he packed a bowl, a bowl that he had carefully washed clean (even though the nurses already had) the second he was well enough to walk.

Finally, he was ready to go. Japan bowed goodbye and thanks to his nurses. "Thank you for taking care of me." They fussed over him as he exited the building, dressed in his far more comfortable traditional attire. America had offered to drive him home, and he had accepted, praying that England had been telling the truth when he said that America was a good driver.

"Hey, Japan!" The blonde grinned as he opened the door to let Japan in. "Good to see you up and about and doing lots better!"

"Good morning, America-san." He entered the car, and America walked around to the driver's seat. "It is good to see you also."

"I already told you, call me Alfred!"

"Ah, thank you…"

"Anyway, I'm sorry that Germany or Italy couldn't drive you home. We kind of wanted to keep you guys separate during the demilitarization…"

"No, it is all right. I understand. Also, I do not think Italy or Germany would be recommended drivers for someone who is recovering." Japan shuddered, and America laughed, believing that he was joking.

"Anyway, we're going to have a few more formal meetings now that you're better. It'd probably be best if you were at them."

"Thank you, Alfred-san."

"No problem!" They had finally reached the airport, and America handed over the car to one of his people, who was wearing some sort of official's uniform. "Anyway, China has volunteered to check up on you, and the rest of your family will be visiting too. I…I'm sorry, I'll still send aid and stuff, but I can't visit much from here on out, gotta man the home fort. Things with Russia are heating up… stay away from him, okay?"

"I understand. Thank you for everything, Alfred-san." Japan exited the car and walked towards the airport, to catch the plane that would finally take him to his homeland.

***

When he entered his house for the first time in months, the first thing that Japan noticed was that it had been rebuilt. _Of course_, he thought, _my house would not withstand the destruction if my nation could not withstand the destruction._ The second thing he noticed was that the place had been swept clean.

Shrugging, Japan left his slippers at the door, facing out, and entered the house. "Tadaima!"

"Okaerinasai!" Someone called back the traditional greeting, and then footsteps raced through the hall and Taiwan was hugging him. "Kiku-nii, we came early and we wanted to clean everything up and surprise you before you got back! Actually, China sent me to stall y-Oops!" She blushed

"Don't worry, Taiwan! I already finished everything, aru!" China bounced out of the living room, as Japan stared in shock. "Sorry for invading your home, Nihon."

"I-it is all right?" Japan was still staring in shock, attempting to will himself to do something, and spectacularly failing. "Erm…If I may, what exactly did you invade my house to do?"

Taiwan and China grabbed his hands and pulled him towards the dining room. "C'mon Kiku-nii, you have to see it!" He entered the kitchen, stumbling a little.

There was a meal laid out, with all of his favorite foods. The pickled herring looked amazing, and for a second, he wondered why he hadn't smelled it from the entryway. His trained nose usually picked up scents perfectly. And then, Japan remembered his obvious injuries. _So they decide to hinder me in this way also?_ "Thank you, Chi-I mean, Yao, and thank you as well, Taiwan-chan."

They both beamed at him. China, in his typical manner, gave the traditional order. "Eat up, eat up!"

"Itadakimasu." Said Japan and Taiwan simultaneously. They looked at each other and laughed.

"Ah, it's good to see you two getting along, aru." Smiling benevolently, China used his chopsticks to finish off the last of his rice. Japan was surprised; he had barely gone through half of his food. "I'll start washing up!" China walked off to the kitchen, humming some song as he walked.

"Kiku-nii, are you going to the meeting too? Hong Kong and I got permission to go, and everyone else will be there, of course."

"Alfred-san mentioned it to me. I believe I am well enough to go, so I will see you there." He smiled at his little sister, and she beamed back. Internally, though, he was already worried. How would Korea react to seeing him at the meeting? The last thing he needed was some kind of fight when he still had to readjust to society. _Although it does not matter if he hurts me. I deserve it._

Japan stood, and entered the kitchen, hoping to seek guidance from China. "Yao, I was wondering, will you be at the meeting?"

"Of course! And don't worry about Korea, aru." Japan looked up in shock, to see a laughing China. "In your place, I would be worried too. But, at a meeting, I am certain he will be on his best behavior, aru. And if he isn't, I will take away his kimchi."

Japan bowed his thanks. "I appreciate the help."

"No problem, no problem. Don't let me see you bowing to me again, we're family, aru!" China waved a soapy ladle. "Now get out, I have to finish cleaning, and you need your rest!"

***

Japan straightened the tie in his mirror. _I think I prefer my uniform, but I must bow to the wishes of the winners…_ Stepping out of the room, he spotted England, who had offered him a ride to the meeting. "Good morning, England-san!" He entered the car with care, making sure not to bump anything that would reward him with pain.

"Same to you, Japan." England smiled at him, then started up the vehicle. "Today is more of a formality, just more paperwork for our bosses. Actually, you don't really need to come, but we thought that you would prefer to be present."

"Thank you, yes." After buckling his seatbelt, Japan sat back and watched the road pass. "Where exactly is the meeting?"

"Er…I believe it's in the Imperial Palace." Japan froze in shock.

'Th-the Imperial Palace?" He managed to force out.

"Yes, is something wrong?" England was concerned.

_I can not let something like this disturb me._ "N-no, I was merely surprised to hear that everyone would wish to meet in somewhere so traditional. Would not one of the more modern buildings be suited to their tastes?"

With that, England blushed slightly. "Actually, we all agreed that it might be…easier, for you at least, if you were in a familiar environment."

"Oh. Thank you for thinking of me." _Shame, Kiku, shame. They were trying to be kind and you are upset._

"It was nothing," replied England, a bit sharply. "We're here." He and Japan exited the car.

Japan stared up the palace, trying to clear his mind. After the fall of the Shogunate, he had moved into the Tokyo Imperial Palace with the royal family. After the war began, he had stayed in the military barracks, whenever he was home, at least. When the bombs had dropped, he was staying in the small house that had been built for him. Trying to be compliant, he had returned there once he had been released from the hospital. Still, he missed the Imperial Family. _I only wish that I was not returning to them in defeat._

The two countries entered the building.

***

England was about to slam his head on the wall near the conference room. He would have, if it weren't for the fact that the pretty wall was made out of rice paper, and surely would not survive the encounter. "Argh, I can't believe it took us this long to find the meeting room! Japan, I thought your architecture was supposed to be _simple_!"

"Ano, sorry England-san…" Japan was flushed in exhaustion and embarrassment, and looking at him made England feel guiltier than he would like to admit.

"Er, well, it's all right." He blushed slightly himself, and then gruffly redirected the conversation. "Anyway, we ought to get inside. I mean, we are slightly early, but it is never a bad thing to be early." He slid the door open, to loud greetings from the already assembled countries.

"Hey, England, what took you so long?" America was grinning, already seated at the far side of the circular table.

"Shut up you git, I'm on time!" England was fuming, and Japan was making a mental note of his expression, it would suit his new doujinshi very well. "A-anyway, I had to get Japan!"

America got up and walked over, laughing. "Right, right. Hey Japan, the meeting's gonna start, go pick your seat."

"Ah, thank you Am-Alfred-san." He looked around the slowly filling meeting room, and noticed China, talking animatedly with Taiwan. "I will sit next to China-san." At this, America and England exchanged worried glances.

"Are you sure, Japan? I mean, you can sit next to one of us, and it might not be the best idea-" Japan interrupted America's frantic dialogue.

"I will be fine, thank you." Starting towards the area, he felt a glare directed at him. He looked up, only to see Korea, eyes focused in a hate-filled stare that he hadn't seen on anyone since Nanjing. Japan quickly looked down, and hurried his pace.

"Ano, China-san?" China looked up. "I-is it all right if I sit here?"

If Japan had thought that Korea's gaze was the most disconcerting thing he had seen up until this point, he had been horribly, horribly wrong. The look China was giving him seemed to be made of pure ice. "Of course, _Japan_. It is free seating, after all." And with that, the elder country turned away to speak to Taiwan, who was regarding the entire situation with a confused look. Japan felt the same way.

_What on earth just happened?_

* * *

Annnnnd now we're getting to the fun part! Also: not-so-cliffhanger means not-so-evil. So that's no reason to attempt auctorcide. At least, I think that's what it would be called… Oh, and for the record, the person who shouted "NIHON!" in chapter one was China, not America. Forgot to clear that up, sorry!


	4. Lacuna

I still don't own Hetalia. Blame America, he said throwing papers from my desk into the air makes for good target practice. Note to self: check for important files BEFORE using for target practice.

* * *

If you had asked Japan how he felt at that moment, he would have replied, in a manner reminiscent of Latvia, that his left side was numb. _Breathe, Japan, breathe. Only half an hour left. Breathe._ To his left was China.

At this moment in time, China was doing an amazing imitation of a human ice cube. Of course, the second someone spoke to him, he would immediately become animated, and joke and laugh along with the person in question.

Across the table, America and England exchanged worried glances. Although the two brothers had been on good terms when Japan was in the hospital, whenever someone had mentioned "Japan" and not "Kiku", China had immediately left the conversation.

America, despite the fact that China had now reached a level of terror-inducement second only to Russia, decided to intervene. "Um, s-so, I think we can finish up early, y-yeah, England?"

"R-right." Thankful, England stood, and the rest of the nations copied him, filing out with brief murmurs. Japan barely managed a dignified escape, making it out the door before the rest of his siblings, and hurrying down to England's car. _In one of my own palaces! I felt so…threatened. No. Calm down. Breathe._

He slumped back against the wall and tried to replay what had happened in his mind. Had he said something impolite to Yao? What happened?

"Japan!" England was approaching. "Are you alright? What happened back there?"

"I-I am not sure, England-san. May I return home? I am not feeling well…"  
"Oh, right, of course!" He opened the door for Japan, and the smaller country entered the car once more. England turned the key in the ignition, and the car roared to life. "Japan, don't let what happened back there bother you. I'm sure whatever was upsetting China was not your fault."

"Do not worry, England-san. I will go speak with China-san myself, tomorrow, when I am feeling better."

"Are you sure that's the best idea?" England chanced a quick glance at Kiku, only to see the stubborn set to his face that he had so often seen on America's.

"Yes." They had reached his house, and Japan opened the door of the car, pausing only to say goodbye to England. "Thank you very much, England-san. I hope to see you soon."

"Right." England watched Japan go, worried about the male's decision. "God, why do I get so bloody caught up in these things?"

***

Japan had chosen to wear his blue hakama and brown outer kimono. After much debate, he had decided on blue for his naga-juban.[1] Wearing white would feel too militaristic, it reminded Japan too much of his recent uniform, and might do the same for China.

_In…out…in…out. You can do this. It's just Yao. _"Yao-nii!" China was balancing precariously on a stool, picking fruit, and his panda was using the same stool to lean against and Japan did NOT like the angle the stool was at.

"Kiku!" China hopped down from the chair and practically skipped up to him. "I'm so happy you came to visit, aru!" He grabbed the Asian nation by the hand and dragged him into the house. "I've made some food, you have very good timing, aru!"

"E-eh?" Still stunned from the greeting, Japan let himself be dragged into the house.

"I decided to make chunbing today, to celebrate Lichun!"[2] China was almost humming, he seemed completely delighted by the visit.

"Ano, Yao-nii, were you feeling all right yesterday?" Japan silently congratulated himself on not stuttering over anything.

"Huh?" China looked up at him, confused. "Why wouldn't I have been, aru?"

"O-oh, must have been my imagination…" A plate of spring pancakes was placed in front of him.

"I got the meat from Tianfuhao." He joined Japan at the table, and poured him a cup of chrysanthemum tea. "England gave me some of his "English Breakfast Tea". It tastes like crap, aru."

"Yao-nii! That's really very rude!" Japan looked at him in shock. "Didn't you reprimand me for rudeness when we first met?"

China laughed. "I can't believe you still remember that, aru! At any rate, you haven't tasted this tea. I won't subject you to it, aru."

Japan sighed. China could be quite stubborn sometimes. Both sipped their tea in silence. "Itadakimasu." Between the two of them, the chunbing was finished at almost record speed. "Yao-nii, these are a little different than usual…"

"Ah, well, I wanted to try using the spices a little differently, aru." China looked at him, worried. "Does it taste bad?"

"Oh no, it's very good! Thank you, Yao-nii." At this, China smiled happily, and picked up the dishes. "I should help you wash up."

"There's no need to, aru!" Japan tugged some of the dishes out of his hands.

"It is the least I can do to thank you for the meal." Laughing, China grabbed the remaining dishes and they both headed for the kitchen.

"You'll have to cook for me sometime, Nihon." The two were up to their elbows in suds. "How much salt do you use exactly, aru?"

"The right amount." Japan paused in the midst of his dish-washing. "Although, Germany-san did attempt to cut the amount of salt in my diet." He shuddered, the memories of that horrible time still fresh.

China attempted to reign in his laughter. "O-of course." He flicked some of the soapy water at Japan, getting mostly his arms. Japan attempted to look dignified by not retaliating. "There's a soap bubble on your nose, aru." He failed miserably. China giggled.

"I do not wish to start a bubble war, Yao-nii. That would be too much mess to expect you to clean up."

"Oh, I wouldn't be on my own!" Japan raised a questioning eyebrow. "I'd make you help too, aru!" Grinning broadly, China pulled the last dish out of the water and began to dry it.

Japan sighed. "I should have expected as much."

China laughed. Then stopped. "Oh, I almost forgot, aru. Why did you skip the meeting yesterday? Isn't the demilitarization important? Or were you unwell, aru?" China was suddenly anxious.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Japan was shocked. "Of course I was there!"

"No…you weren't there, Nihon." China was staring at him, almost as if there was something he had missed. "Japan was."

* * *

Cliffhanger and short chapter. I'm sorry. *head+desk* Right so, this is where everything really starts. And it's also really confusing. As for the short part, my other attempts felt like I was stalling, and anything longer in the end area was EXTREMELY boring. I've also decided I'm never going to let China have a conversation with only one person. So. Many. Arus.

[1] A hakama is basically pleated pants, that are extremely loose and easy to move around in, as long as you don't trip. It's used for multiple things, including martial arts and graduations, and is basically traditional wear. And it looks like a skirt. Kimono, as in the masculine kimono. As for naga-juban, that's the under-kimono, and was the only word I could find for it, so sorry if I'm wrong!

[2] Chunbing are "spring pancakes", and they're basically flat pancakes that you roll meat and vegetables inside, then eat. They're eaten during Lichun, which is the beginning of spring for the Chinese. Oh, and (according to Wikipedia), "the pork used to cook spring pancakes is usually bought from a store in Beijing named Tianfuhao, which has been in business for over 270 years."

Thank you for reading!


	5. Disclosure

Aha… This one was kinda difficult, because I wasn't sure how everything fit together… enjoy, ne?

I don't own Hetalia. *starts another letter* Dear Santa…

* * *

Japan stared in shock. Had he heard China right? No, that couldn't have been it. "I…I'm sorry, Yao-nii-san, but could you repeat that?"

Staring back at him was China, his older brother, looking as if Japan himself had gone crazy. _I haven't, right?_ Japan's thoughts were worried, chaotic, far from their normal sense, far from their normal order.

"You skipped the demilitarization meeting, aru. _Japan_ didn't." China was still looking at him as if his sanity was fragile, breakable. The worst part was that Japan was beginning to agree with him. And he could hear the hatred, the bitterness and hurt in his brother's voice.

Still, it would be better to try get through to him. "Y-yao-nii…I think that-" Before he could finish, Hong Kong burst in.

"Kiku-nii! It's good to see you. I'm glad that you are better, actually, I wished to speak to you at the meeting, but you left before I got the chance." Japan stared in shock at the boy. This was the most he had _ever_ heard the boy speak at one time.

"Xiang Gang, do you need Kiku for something, aru?" China was bemused.

"Ah, yes, I wanted to show him a project I was working on." Hong Kong grabbed his arm, and began to tug the stricken country from the room. "May I borrow him, gege?"

"Oh, of course, aru!" China smiled. "I will see you some other time, Kiku!"

"A-ah, yes, o-of course…" Hong Kong pulled him fully into another room.

"Are you _insane_?" Hong Kong was staring at him. "The only thing keeping China from treating you like he did at the meeting is the fact that he thinks you're not Japan!"

"Wh-what? What are you talking about? I am Japan!"

Hong Kong sighed, and leaned back against the door in a world-weary way. "Greece is your friend, correct?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"What would you think if he suddenly walked up to you and slapped you, then refused to speak to you at all?'

"I would wonder what I had done wrong…Maybe think it was a prank, or that it was not him, but someone who looked like him…why?"

"Because that is what gege is doing right now."

Japan's eyes widened. _So I am so inhuman that my older brother must separate me into two parts… Country and person. He still hasn't realized that neither are human…_

"He is disassociating "Japan" and "Kiku"?" Japan questioned, barely able to believe this was happening.

"I think so." Hong Kong looked suddenly serious. "I…England let me visit gege, after the war was over, to make sure he was okay. When I saw him, he kept muttering that he wouldn't believe that Kiku could do such a thing. When I asked after you, as "Japan", he told me: "I don't care if that bastard lives or dies, aru!", and walked away."

Japan shivered. If this hadn't been so serious, he would have laughed at Hong Kong's impression. "He said that?"

"Yes. However, when I asked about Kiku, he went into a panic, worrying whether you were okay or not."

"A-ah." Hong Kong pulled him towards the door.

"It's best if you go now."

"Yes, of course, I understand." Japan bowed to Hong Kong as he stood in the doorway. "Thank you for letting me know."

"Of course. You are still family." Japan looked up at him in shock, and was nearly hit in the face with a door. _Yao-nii said that too…_

***

"America. Stop pacing this instant." England was glaring at the younger nation, who was currently wearing a hole in his Persian rug.

"I can't help it, England! How could you let Kiku go talk to China on his own!?" America had turned on him and was practically shouting now.

"Kiku?"

"That's beside the point!" America wasn't blushing. At least, he hoped he wasn't. "It's not safe for him to be there, what if China snaps or something?"

"Hong Kong already bloody said that he'll be fine as long as he shows up in traditional clothes." England sighed. First the war, now this? As if to make things worse, Russia was giving hints of worse to come. "If something goes wrong, Hong Kong will help him. He will be _fine_, Alfred."

America sighed as well. "I know, I just feel responsible. It's my fault he's injured, and I'm supposed to be the hero!"

This was the last straw for England. "Just get the bloody hell out of my office, you git!" His well-aimed empty teapot hit right next to the blonde's ear, sufficiently scaring him.

"AH! I'm going, I'm going!" America sprinted to get out of the office, and England went to pick up his shatterproof teapot.

"Oh good, this one didn't leave a dent…" He sat down at his desk and stared at the phone. "I'll just check in with Hong Kong. After all, it wouldn't do for Alfred to worry so much…"

***

"Hello, Wang Yao's home, Xiang Gang speaking."

"Hong Kong, it's good to hear that you continue to work on your manners." England smiled, forgetting that his charge could not see him over the phone.

"Oh, hello, England. Do you need something?" Hong Kong leaned against the wall again, wondering if it was time to go home already.

"Er, I was just wondering if Japan came to visit today…" Hesitant as England was about prying, he could not help but be curious.

Hong Kong merely laughed. "You are wondering if China did something."

There was no being subtle about it, not when the boy knew him too well. "Yes."

A brief silence reigned, and England wondered about the connection. "It's fine." Hong Kong's voice was almost bitter. "He wore his traditional clothes, gege was absolutely ecstatic, and everyone enjoyed themselves. Then gege asked why "Kiku" skipped the meeting."

England hissed under his breath. That was bad. That was very, very bad. "And?"

"Kiku-nii was about to convince him that he had gone, I managed to get there just in time. I explained, sort of, what we think is happening. Then I sent him home." Hong Kong felt more than ready to bash his head against the wall. Being around Ivan for so long had made his elder brother somehow, not himself, not right.

"Thank you, Hong Kong…I'm so sorry you have to go through this on your own." England wanted to convey regret, apology, somehow, over the phone.

"It is fine. When do you want me home?" That was more like Hong Kong. Just the facts, and nothing else.

"Whenever you wish. Leave immediately if things get too dangerous. No unnecessary heroics, you're not the bloody git."

Hong Kong could hear the tremor in England's voice, well disguised as it was. "That's not polite, England."

England laughed, wincing at how fake it sounded. "Of course. Are you certain that you will be all right?"

"Yes. Gege would never hurt any of his siblings."

"Japan?"

"Japan is no longer a sibling. He lost that right a long time ago. However, Kiku may still have a chance."

There was a click, and England's line went dead. He sighed as he hung up the phone. "I will never understand those Asians…"

* * *

Yay, Hong Kong to the rescue! So yes, here you go… I actually was stumped for the longest time on this one. *was up at 12:54 AM writing* Thanks for reading!

Actually I get why writers petition for reviews so much… each one is kind of like a big hug, ne? Sorry, being weird~!


	6. Amalgamate

Ara…I feel like I'm getting more pressure to write faster…I appreciate the love, but I do have homework! So I'm going to rush and finish the chapter after this so that I can post it next week and have a sort of "buffer".

I don't own Hetalia. Oh, and burglar proofed houses are hard to break into. Just sayin'.

* * *

Japan stood staring at the closed door for a long time. Finally, as if his body decided on his own for him that it would not open any time soon, he turned around and began the long walk home. Hong Kong had given him a lot to think about.

_I am inhuman, my own actions have done enough to prove this. However, Yao-nii does not wish to believe that I am completely inhuman, so he separates me into two people. Country and Human. Japan or Rìběn, and Kiku or Nihon._

He had reached his home, and slid open the door, removing his shoes and stepping inside. "Tadaima." The silence held no response. For a brief moment, he remembered a time when Korea, Taiwan, and Hong Kong had all lived under his roof. The house had seemed less empty then, although the resentment thickened the air often.

_However,_ he mused, _I was in too warlike a mindset to care by that point._ Japan quickly removed his overcoat, and prepared to clean. His house was already spotless, but he needed a distraction, something to keep him off thinking. _I should have just died when Alfred-san bombed my country._

***

Hong Kong slumped to the floor by the telephone. _I should not have shoved Kiku-nii off like that. He will be wondering how to react to Gege's separation of him. Perhaps I ought to go visit._ He stood, as the fatigue he had been feeling since the peace talks began fully washed over him. _Tomorrow._

Navigating the halls, he returned to his room, passing China along the way. "Gege, good evening. I am going to bed, are you planning on staying up later?"

"Ah, hello Xiang, aru! Actually, yes, there are still some documents I have to sign. Did you see Kiku off already, aru?"

Hong Kong smiled. "Yes, of course. He was surprised by my recreation of Hua Mulan's uniform. You know, the one based off of the oil painting?"

China looked at him, eyes widened by shock and pleasure. "You finished that, aru? I am so proud!" He patted Hong Kong on the head, who, used to more outward displays of affection from China, was a bit startled and worried.

_That was more like something England would do._

"You haven't been skipping meals, right, aru?"

"Of course not, Gege."

"Good boy, get some sleep, aru!" China practically skipped off in the other direction. "Good night!"

"Good night, Gege." Hong Kong entered his quarters, and quickly opened the book of psychology Tibet had lent him, and placed it next to the history book._ Although, to a nation it is more like a biography._ "So…Japan attacked China, a strike that was considered to be unprecedented, and without reason by this attack, Japan gained Korea and Taiwan. Yong Soo hated this takeover, while Meimei was more than happy to be with Kiku."

_China, the country, can reconcile the differences and realize that such attacks were common, as a means to gain more land. Yao can not. In his mind, Kiku is as much a victim of Japan's "treachery" as he is. This view is spilling over, and altering China as a country's decisions, actions, and rational thought process._

"So…" Hong Kong mused, "We need to make Yao _and_ China rationalize Japan's actions, and come to terms with the idea that they are one and the same. The easier route would be to convince Japan to accept the split view, but I worry about the long term impact on his psyche."

Hong Kong remembered England's parting words as he was sent off on his "mission".

_"This is of the utmost importance. We do not want another Russia on our hands."_

"England…" He murmured, "It would have been so much easier if you had told me who the Russia is."

***

England slipped out of the lecture. He had thoroughly searched both Cambridge and Oxford's offerings on psychology and politics, but he still felt confused. _This is why we can never find psychologists for nations. No diplomats ever want to diagnose us._

He sat on the bench, sighing. "Well, the best name for the bloody thing would be projected multiple personality disorder. After all, China doesn't see himself as two separate people, only Japan…" Grabbing his lunch, England opened it and began to, for lack of a better word, ingest the inedible stuff.

"What confuses me is how Hong Kong seems to understand what China is doing, why, and why he is perfectly fine with it…"

***

If it had been any other night, he would have simply let the phone ring. As it was, he picked up almost immediately. "England, did you hear from Hong Kong?"

* * *

Necessary filler chapter is NECESSARY. And I'm sorry for the cliffhanger. *bows head* um… I promise I'll have the next chapter up soon! Also, I'm really really sorry this chapter is short. It's kinda a transtition chapter into what I see as the "main stage" of the story...


	7. Forbearance

AHHHHHH I'M SO SORRY!!!! Life kinda caught up with me… then I hit a writing slump… I'M SORRY!!!!! …. *ahem* So yeah… New chapter? Eheheh? Don't kill me, please?

I don't own in Hetalia. *prepares assault vehicle* Yet.

* * *

America stood in his office. By his own count, he hadn't moved for about ten minutes. By the clock's, it had been more like an hour. England's news had shocked him to a point that he was too numb to return from.

_"From what Hong Kong's told me, China has disassociated Japan and Kiku. Hong Kong is certain that China will do nothing to Kiku, but if Japan angers him in some way, there is no guarantee of his safety. Japan attempted to tell China that he is Japan _and_ Kiku._

_ "Fortunately, Hong Kong interrupted this. He explained to Japan the situation, and sent him on his way. Japan is safe as long as he is wearing his 'traditional' clothes. China still sees him as a sibling. Something else Hong Kong said worried me… 'Japan is no longer a sibling. He lost that right a long time ago. However, Kiku may have a chance.'_

_"To me it seems that Hong Kong understands why he is doing this, and I think he might approve. I'm rather worried, at this point. I think China is projecting a multiple personality disorder onto Japan. Hong Kong is staying with China, and will continue to study the situation. That's everything I know, I'll see you at the meeting."_

His boss had entered, then left. It had been quite a scare for the poor man to see his nation in such a state. For America, it had been far more terrifying than that to learn how China thought. Even he could sense the thinly veiled warning about Japan's safety. At a time when Russia was already a loose cannon, this was the last thing they needed.

_Snap out of it._ America almost felt himself jerk awake. This was not the time to fool around. He had to call Japan and warn him, no-he had to ask someone close to Japan, someone who was neutral from the communists and could easily talk to him.

"I can't believe I'm actually going to call this guy…"

* * *

The second Greece entered the door, he was assaulted by a huge cloud of dust, pushed out by a tiny man in an apron wielding a bamboo broom. Japan always found dust, no matter how spotless the place was.

"Herakles-san! I am so sorry, I did not see you there!" Japan dropped the broom in shock, Greece's formerly tan-white shirt had turned an ash-gray, and his hair, formerly brown, now looked as if it belonged to a man three times his age. _His human age_, Japan amended in his mind.

"It's not that big of a deal…can I come in?"

"Ah, of, of course! I have just finished cleaning. Here, I will help you clean up." Greece headed for the bathroom, while Japan followed behind, sweeping up the trail of dust that the taller male left. Once he'd thrown out the dust again, he found a kimono in Greece's size and brought it to the bathroom.

_I should have checked before I threw out that dust!_ Busy with his thoughts, Japan opened the door without knocking, and ran right into a nearly naked Greece. His eyes grew wide. "Gr-greece-san! Forgive me!" He shoved the outfit at the man and fled, a bright red highlighting his cheeks. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!

* * *

_

In the bathroom, Greece sighed. _Well, we're definitely not going to have a normal conversation._

A few minutes later, a clean and tidy Greece exited the bathroom, and headed for the room where Japan would use his kotatsu. "Kiku…? You in here?" A still-blushing Japan quickly entered the room bearing food.

"Ah, well, I went to make some food, it was just about lunch time…" He placed the tray of food on the table. "Um…I made enough for two, would you like to join me, Herakles-san?"

"Oh, yeah, thanks." Greece sat at the table. "Itadakimasu."

"I-itadakimasu." There was a few moments pause as the two began the meal. Then Greece broke the silence.

"Hey, Kiku…" Japan looked up. "America asked me to come and talk to you about something."

"Oh, of course! Is there some sort of problem?" Japan's face seemed normal, but Greece could tell that it was slightly off his usual calm demeanor.

"I guess you could say that… It's about China."

"Oh." Greece scrutinized that shorter male's face, noting that there was a hint of sadness to his eyes.

"Well, actually, it's kind of about Hong Kong." Confusion reigned in Japan's face, although it would not have been noticeable, if it weren't for the current pressure he was under.

"Hong Kong? What do you mean?"

Greece sighed, then placed his chopsticks across the bowl. "Thanks for the meal. England sent him to keep watch on China. After…things like this happen, some countries tend to go a little, well, crazy. England would know. He's been sending information about China's well-being to England."

"That would explain why he had an idea as to why Yao-nii acted the way he did."

"Yeah. He was also asked to make sure you stayed alive, should you visit China." Japan's eyes widened.

"Stay alive? You think Yao-nii would…would try to _kill_ me?

"Not you. 'Japan'. Well… We're a bit worried about Hong Kong. The last report he gave to England… Ah, he made a comment. It almost sounded like he understood why China was doing this." Greece continued to watch Japan's reactions. America had suggested he withhold the information that Hong Kong might approve until they could ascertain how Japan would react. "Do you have any idea as to why?"

Japan smiled, and Greece wanted to look away for a second. He had never seen such a bitter look on the male's face. "Yes. Any sibling of China's would have sounded the same. When we were younger, even if his country attacked one of ours, he would be on the battlefield, helping his own soldiers. The second he got home, though, he would tend to our wounds before even bothering to take care of his. In Yao-nii's mind, the affairs of our human sides are separate from the affairs of our countries."

Greece opened his mouth to speak, but, seeing the look in Japan's eyes, he thought the better of it.

"However, he always acknowledged that we were countries and that we _belonged_ to our countries. Yao-nii would understand if we attacked him, because that was how our countries had wished it."

"Eh? Then why is it that this is happening? I mean-"

"I did not go back."

"Huh?"

"After any of us fought, we might run away for a little, if he beat us in the war. However, we would always return home. I think that that might have been the worst wound any of us gave him, so that also contributes."

"Ah." Greece could hear the pain in Japan's voice. "Kiku…"

"I think it would be better if you were to go now." The smaller country had closed off his emotions again. Inwardly sighing, Greece stood. _There is nothing I will find out now._

"Thank you for the food, Kiku." He turned to leave, then paused. "Oh, and…no matter what you think, you're not a monster. No one believes that. Don't be so hard on yourself, alright?"

Japan sat bolt upright in shock, but Greece had already exited. _How…how did he know that I was thinking that?

* * *

_

"Ah…should call America." Greece sat in the airport, and pulled out his phone. "Hey, Alfred… Yeah, I talked to Japan. No. No. Yes. No, we should meet in person. Why? Well, it's kinda… I found out some stuff, yes. No, I think it would be better if I told you in person, the news might be hard to take. Yes, I know you're the hero. No, I don't think you're going to faint. America. Calm down. Meet me at England's house…tomorrow. Yeah, I'll be on time. Don't worry. Okay, okay, you call him, let him know, alright? Bye." He sighed, pocketing the phone. "Young countries…so panicky…"

* * *

Ahhhh, another sort of cliffhanger! Hey, can anybody guess what the "No. No. Yes." in Greece's speech was about? Cookies to the person who gets it!


	8. Respite

So...my computer's word processing options aren't compatible with FFN. So updates will be extremely slow...Erm, this is kind of a break from the main storyline. It's basically about how China deals with things.

And no, I don't own Hetalia.

* * *

Sometimes, when things got really bad, China played pretend. With what he had had for emperors, it was one of the things that he was better at. He pretended that all those countries gnawing at the life of his own land were actually there because they cared about him as a person. He pretended that when Russia had offered his help, he truly wanted to help him. He pretended that England had just childishly requested to play house, and that Hong Kong was only staying the night.

And he pretended that Japan was actually trying to defend his country from the foreigners, not turn himself into an Empire.

When things got really bad, China would close his eyes and imagine that it was New Years. He had generously invited all of the nations to come to the celebration, and the reason he was alone in an empty room was because his siblings had insisted on taking care of everything. Taiwan and Vietnam were out buying decorations, or maybe hanging them, he had heard the door slam. Japan was in the kitchen with Thailand and Hong Kong, between the three of them, they had agreed to include at least one dish from every Asian country.

Tibet was painting scrolls, and Mongolia was taking a nap after ingredients shopping. Korea had been sent on as many pointless errands as his siblings could think up, no one could ever forget the year he had "helped" with the celebrations. China had needed to rebuild his entire kitchen.

He pretended that the doors slamming and the shouts were just guests arriving. That all of the screams were caused by Hong Kong's pranks and Korea's antics. He convinced himself that when he heard that cold voice, it was only because someone had insulted Japan's cooking.

He pretended that soon enough, someone would call him to eat, and that when someone did, they did it in his own language. He pretended that the meager food given to him was home-cooked by his beloved siblings. He pretended that he didn't eat alone.

And when he looked up into the frozen gaze of his younger brother, he pretend that the slash on his back had never been made in the first place.


End file.
